Feelings of shame tried to flood my mind as I thought about how to write "this" this week....hence why it is a couple days late. I, the girl who had done so well, was too ashamed to admit that once again I had fallen off the path I was on. As I have spent time with my Father in his word he has shown me that shame has no real purpose other than to keep me held back from my true calling. As I tried to escape what seemed like a perpetual black hole of depression and solitude all I felt like I was doing was complaining, yet again, about where I was but doing nothing about it. So, as you can imagine, a force of that magnitude only began to pull me in even deeper. Thoughts of "such a quitter"....."never gonna make it"....."I knew you would fail because you always do" began to take over my mind, almost completely seizing control of it until happy thoughts were buried away in a locked box and any memories of successfully doing this before were forgotten. Let me tell you friends that once you get to this point it takes great power to get you out of it. I cried out and prayed yet again. "Lord please save me from this sinking ship. I feel so.......hopeless." His words to me were, "All you had to do was ask. Now all I ask of you is to "try". Huh.....try......hmmmm.....seems like such a tiny word doesn't it but it has so much meaning and power behind it. Some might say well if you never try you never fail but to never try for fear of failure........well that would lead to one boring life wouldn't you think? For many of the greatest Victors have traveled down the same path filled with bumps and potholes along the way, but to get to where they are today they all had two things in common: 1. They weren't afraid to "try AND 2. They NEVER gave up.
So, tonight as I put my ear buds in, turned on my treadmill, and listened to the lovely Sam Yao say, "Runner 5 get ready to run there are zoms approaching" I chanted, "Try....try....try." 25 minutes later I completed my mission for tonight. I may not have been able to sprint through it like I originally did, but I FINISHED it. It truly feels like starting over folks, but in the end when I get to where God has called me to I will be able to say, "I might have fallen along the way, but I never gave up."
(I can't give you the picture I promised because I am starting over, but I CAN give you pictures of what I know I WILL be and then some.)
I love you all!
-Michelle Bradshaw
So, tonight as I put my ear buds in, turned on my treadmill, and listened to the lovely Sam Yao say, "Runner 5 get ready to run there are zoms approaching" I chanted, "Try....try....try." 25 minutes later I completed my mission for tonight. I may not have been able to sprint through it like I originally did, but I FINISHED it. It truly feels like starting over folks, but in the end when I get to where God has called me to I will be able to say, "I might have fallen along the way, but I never gave up."
(I can't give you the picture I promised because I am starting over, but I CAN give you pictures of what I know I WILL be and then some.)
I love you all!
-Michelle Bradshaw
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